confession fashion general complaints

what not to wear

Lately, I’ve been toying with the idea of saving up to get my very own ‘what not to wear’ style consultation. The consultation itself, while not cheap, is reasonably priced. The part where serious savings come into play is in the buying-a-new-wardrobe part. There’s a reason Stacy and Clinton hand over a $5,000 Visa card to people they take under their wing; a new wardrobe doesn’t come cheap.

I don’t think I dress horribly, but I think I could do much better. At the moment, I fall into a strange fashion void, of being a professional in my twenties who doesn’t want to dress like a bimbo, but also doesn’t want to dress like my mom. (No offense, mom …) Not only that, but my size seems to fall more in line with the ‘juniors department’ than the actual ‘grown up ladies department.’ And, well, ‘juniors’ these days apparently don’t care to fully clothe themselves. And ‘juniors’ couldn’t care less about sensible things like ‘wrinkle-free.’

I also have a penchant for comfortable shoes. The exception to that rule is my 5’9″ collection. This collection includes 3 pairs of shoes that enable me to be 5’9″. (For the truly curious, the math on that works out to be 3-inch heels.) It works out well to have some 5’9″ shoes; when I get tired of wearing pants that are a teensy bit too short, I buy myself some ‘tall’ pants. And, well, tall pants require something a little higher than my skechers in order to not get ragged from dragging on the ground.

The real solution to my pants problem is a tailor. I’m of average height. Actually, I think the most perfectly averagest of heights. At 5’6″, I am neither tall nor short. Ladies 5’3″ and under are adorably short. Ladies 5’9″ and over are elegantly tall. So, one would think that ‘average’ length pants would be perfect. In fact, they are generally one inch shorter than I prefer. But ‘tall’ pants are anywhere from 2 to 4 inches too long (depending on that particular manufacturer’s version of ‘tall’). And so, I wear my pants too short or too long.

And then there’s my hair and makeup … I’ve never been one to spend, well, any time on makeup, and if it takes longer than 5 minutes, I’m not doing it to my hair. That used to include blow drying my hair, because I was blessed with a LOT of really thick hair that holds a LOT of water. I managed to find an 1875-watt monster that gets my hair dry enough in a few minutes. It also makes the lights in the house flicker, but, you know, that’s the price of beauty.

I know that “beauty is only skin-deep,” and that “it’s what’s inside that counts,” but there is something about feeling good about the way you look that just makes you feel better about yourself. Like when I go to the salon for a pedicure, I wear my adorable spa outfit. It’s not necessary, but it sure does make the experience all the more enjoyable. And on the rare occasion that I make it to the gym, I make sure to wear a you-wish-you-had-this-body exercise ensemble. It’s not that I want everyone to stare; but I sure do stay in the gym longer when I’m not self-conscious about the way I look.

So, for those of you who know me irl, if you happen to notice me wearing pants that fit and un-wrinkled shirts, then you’ll know I finally took the plunge.

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