November 2020 – akaemi.com
 

Month: November 2020

Counterbalance

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I’m not a romantic at heart – I don’t believe in soulmates.

I also don’t think you need a partner to be a complete and fulfilled person.

What I do believe, though, is that some people are better suited for each other than others. And that a partner can open up the world in ways you might not have done all on your own.

I needed someone who shared some common ground. Some common interests. Someone who laughed at my jokes. And someone who, first and foremost, respected me as a fellow human being.

Those common interests are what brought the husband and I together. A shared industry; a shared nerdiness; he’s only 8 months my senior, so a shared childhood experience, even if we met after we were very much grown adults.

And so that is what initially joined us – but no two people are exactly alike. (And seriously, how boring would the world be if we all were. Nobody would read my blog, as they would have already written the exact. same. thing. themselves.)

But then, after you have joined: there are the things that are different. The things that have the potential to pull you apart. The things that strain and stretch – the things that are uncomfortable and foreign.

I’ve found that having a counterbalance helps me experience the world in a more, well, balanced way. Turns out, I really do need someone to urge me to spend when all I want to do is save. Someone to pull me back and show me the big picture when I get stuck on one very tiny – and often inconsequential – detail. Someone to help me put down roots when I’m always dreaming about the next place. Someone to remind me to eat when I’m caught up in a project. Someone to push me to make a decision when I want to gather just one more idea, just one more bit of information. Someone to remind me to breathe, and to shower, and to just do the next thing when I’m drowning in anxiety.

It is really nice having someone to split the chores with. Someone to go on adventures with. Someone to share your popcorn and peanut m&ms with (put the m&ms in the popcorn! Salty and sweet, it is divine! You’re welcome … oh, from the husband. I never knew do to that before I met him, now that I think about it …)

But it is even better to have someone to grow with. Someone to pull you to the middle when you’re falling off the edge. Someone to point out another part of the picture when all you can see is one side. Someone to show you that maybe – just maybe – your way isn’t the only way.

Don’t find a soulmate.

Find a counterbalance.

When we moved to San Antonio 8 years ago, it felt like a forever decision. It felt like we were putting down forever roots. We had a house built! I had even thought out how we’d turn the top floor into an apartment for our live-in caregiver. You know, for when we got old and couldn’t handle the stairs anymore.

Funny thing about life, though: you can’t always predict where it will take you.

When we arrived in Texas, we owned two cars. But at some point along the way, with the husband working from home, we decided maybe we’d be a one car household. And so we sold a car.

And after living in our home for several years, we realized: we aren’t the kind of people who enjoy owning a home. There’s so much to take care of on a daily basis – and then when anything breaks, you gotta figure out how to fix it. And: we aren’t the kind of people who enjoy doing our own yard work … or our own house cleaning …. or our own handyman work. Houses get A LOT more expensive when you outsource all the not-so-fun parts.

And so we got rid of half our stuff and moved into an apartment.

You know what comes with apartments?? Free pools and gyms. And a handyman who stops by whenever you put in a work order. I highly recommend it.

But, I digress: Texas. I was talking about Texas.

You guys: this place is hot. Every May, it hits 90 degrees. And doesn’t let up till October. And even well into November, it’s not exactly fall weather. (November 9: it was 84 degrees today. Which is wayyyy better than 94, so I’ll take it, but … eighty four degrees, y’all.)

You can take the girl out of Washington, but you can’t take the Washington out of the girl. I melt, every summer. I get out into that heat, and just turn into a sad puddle.

The winter months are fantastic, though! That is the trade off for the brutal summers, a wonderfully mild winter.

When I arrived in Texas, it was a pretty big culture shock, not gonna lie. Texans take friendly to a whole ‘nother level. I have never talked to so many strangers in my life! At the grocery store. In waiting rooms. In elevators. Standing in line at the movie theater. And neighbors! There’s this thing here, actually meeting your neighbors. Cul de sac parties with the neighbors. It’s pretty wild.

And everybody at church wanted to be my friend! And in the knitting groups I joined, they just all loved me and invited me to stuff! It was … weird. I spent way too long trying to figure out what their end-game could possibly be …. before it dawned on me that it was probably friendship. Probably they, uh, wanted to be my friend.

And the driving! I drove for 10 years in the DC area, so I thought I knew how to drive in traffic. But: I didn’t know how to do it all at 70 miles an hour. Or how to change lanes 4 at a time. (My family all came out to visit one fine March, I rented a mini-van and played tour guide all week. They all thought I WAS NUTS with my driving. B2 swore he’d never move here because of the insane traffic. Where does he live now you ask? Oh, pretty darn close to here …)

I have lived in a few regions in this fine country: the PNW, Utah, DC, and now Texas. And they are all so incredibly different. I know it’s all the same country, with mostly the same language, but there are new things to learn everywhere you go.

In Texas? I learned how to talk to strangers. Me! Talking to strangers! I was the girl in college who talked to no one. In any of my classes. Like ev-er. Unless they spoke to me first. Or we were doing a project together.

In Texas? I learned to drive like a madman. Ok, well, maybe I didn’t quite master it – but I am way less timid on the road than I used to be. And my parents find it terrifying. (It’s fine. My driving. is. fine. I’m perfectly safe out there on those roads.)

In Texas? I learned to let people in. I learned to let friendships grow. I learned what it is to be loved by so many, so easily.

I am going to miss this place. I am excited for the new adventures that await (and for so very few 90 degree days), but I am sad to leave Texas behind. I am so glad for everything I learned. I cherish the friendships I have made here, and I am glad for technology that will enable us to keep in touch. And I am so forever grateful I learned this new ‘friendship’ skill that I can take with me wherever I may find myself.

You can take the girl out of Texas: but you’ll never be able to take the Texas out of the girl.

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