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Writer groupie extraordinaire

Post author By akaemi
Post date June 9, 2020
No Comments on Writer groupie extraordinaire

When I was little, I dreamt of growing up to be a librarian.

To spend all my days in a building of books?! What could possibly be better?

I read my first real-live chapter book the summer after my second grade year. I had moved mid-year, and my second grade teacher had given me “Tee-bo the Talking Dog on the Trail of the Persnickety Prowler.” For real. That’s a real book.

And. It. Was. Awesome. It opened a whole new world to me, this idea that reading was so fun! I had been a very diligent “read to your parents for 15 minutes every week” kind of reader. But, those weren’t real books. Tee-bo the talking dog? Now that was a real book.

And so it started. I devoured all the books, as fast as I could. If it had one of those medals on the cover? Even. Better.

I read everything and anything through elementary, middle and high schools. Our house was always full of books. (Funny story: many of the books came from garage sales. We had a whole collection of sci-fi that must have come from one sale: Arthur C. Clark, Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein, Ray Bradbury. There was no Philip K. Dick. None. I had NO IDEA who Philip K. Dick was until like 3 years ago. All because that one guy either really hated Philip K. Dick, or else really loved him and wasn’t giving up the books.)

And then college hit. With so much reading of the not-fun kind, I lost my reading mojo. For years – it was probably like 5 years after graduation before I really started reading again. (I did pick up the Lord of the Rings books because, hello, movies, but that was probably about it.)

Grown up life doesn’t quite allow for all the reading, all the time that I would like, and as an obliger (got that from a book!) I found that joining book clubs is really the push I need to keep me reading. And a plus: you get to talk about books with other people that love books!!

But with the husband’s new writing career? Now I get to hang out with actual writers. And I get to read their stuff before it’s famous! Sometimes, even before it’s launched out into the world!

A year ago, I had the opportunity to crash a writing retreat the husband was on. An adorable little Texas town, impossibly far away (seriously, I live in Texas, how can I drive for 9 hours and still be in Texas??), and friend of the arts.

And it was awesome!! I didn’t attend classes, but I caught meals and evening keynotes with the attendees. I hung out with actual authors and publishers. (Seriously, they were so awesome, halfway through I realized I needed to stop monopolizing their time so that, uh, actual writers could get a minute of their attention. Oops, I just wanted to convince Jaye that she also needed purple hair. Which totally happened a few weeks later. Squee!)

And the attendees? All aspiring writers, some with books out. And so I bought all the books.

That conference is where I found my true reading passion: as a writer-groupie.

Writers have so much working against them. First of all, they have to, ya know, WRITE a BOOK. That’s hard, y’all. Takes a lot of dedication. A lot of practice and skill.

Then, they have to endure 53 people telling them that they do not want their book. I can barely handle a stranger on the sidewalk giving me side-eye, but to actually have someone tell you that your blood, sweat and tears aren’t worth their time? Beyond soul-crushing. That hurts. Every time.

And then! If you are so lucky as to find a publisher! Your editor tells you all the things that are wrong with your baby. All the ways in which you failed to produce a perfect manuscript. Ouch. A gut-punch after the high of landing a publisher.

And then! When the book comes out! A 1-star review on Amazon. That’s enough to ruin a day.

And I just … I love books. I love the windows into other worlds. I love the windows into others’ souls. I can only be me, living my life, but books … books let me get a peek into others’ lives.

And so by extension: I love writers. There was a world where their book did not exist, and then they willed it into existence. That’s magic.

I love this place I have arrived at, where I can rub shoulders with the magic-makers! Where I can beta-read things and be a tiny, tiny part of the magic. And where I can be a voice of encouragement, because the writer-life is hard enough, man. And the reader life … well, I for one, don’t ever want to run out of books.

Tags authors, books, reading

favorite things life money

Married? You might need an allowance

Post author By akaemi
Post date June 8, 2020
No Comments on Married? You might need an allowance

It may sound silly, but allowances are a great way to ease financial strain on a marriage.

Allowance. Sounds so restraining. So … childish.

But: Hear me out!

When you have combined finances, there’s a lot of work involved in managing it. No matter what two people are involved, there’s always going to be be a differing opinion on what the money should be spent on. It takes a lot of work to figure out that compromise. A lot of ongoing work.

But for the fun stuff? Everyone should get to do some fun stuff! Without judgment from others. Without guilt that the money could be going to something more useful.

Before we instituted the allowance, I did much of the money management. And whenever the husband asked me if he could buy something, my answer was yes! Unless the money wasn’t there, and then the answer was, not right now, but in a few months. But … I rarely gave myself that same permission. My default setting is to save. To feel guilty for being too indulgent.

And the husband often expressed doubt that we had the money for the things he wanted … and then guilt for buying them. Especially because he could see me doing a whole lotta not buying stuff for me.

It was not a healthy dynamic I was creating. We stayed in our budget, sure, but I was breeding inequality. Totally my fault.

Enter the allowance! Every month, we have two allowance “bills”. One for me, one for the husband. Each for the same amount of money. We used to use separate savings accounts to keep the money in, but now we use ynab to do it virtually.

And this allowance pot we each have? No rules. No judgment. No guilt. Spa days and yarn I’ll never get around to knitting? Go for it! The husband wants gaming laptops and xbox games? Why not?

It may sound silly, but it’s so freeing to have a little pot, all your own.

Give it a try. You might just that find you like it.

Tags finances, marriage

life money work

Downsizing: house edition

Post author By akaemi
Post date June 7, 2020
No Comments on Downsizing: house edition

After the husband launched his writing career, he found himself highly motivated to be able to keep writing. The original plan was for him to take six months off to write a novel, and then return to the daily grind while he shopped it around to get published.

Six months, because that is how long I calculated our savings would last at our expenditure rate.

But a funny thing happens when you are highly motivated to keep writing: there’s a whole lot of budget analysis and soul-searching to figure out what’s really important.

And you know what wasn’t actually important to either of us? Home ownership.

But … it’s the American Dream!

But it’s also a whole lot of work. Yard work, house cleaning, figuring out how to fix stuff when it breaks or else hiring someone to fix stuff when it breaks. And all that stuff adds up: it’s time and/or money you can’t use to do other things that, let’s be honest, are way more fun. (Ok, I get there are some people out there who love mowing their lawn? I guess that’s a thing neither I nor my husband inherited …)

I wasn’t sold on the idea of apartment life when the husband floated the idea. I thought back to my college days of cinderblock walls and 20-year-old, filthy carpet. I looked around at my custom-built home with acres of wood floors. And I didn’t think I could take that plunge.

But, y’all: there’s a whole big world of apartments out there! With (faux) wood floors and actual tile. With upgraded appliances, open kitchens and floor-to-ceiling windows. With garages. With pools that you don’t have to maintain! With gyms! With fancy clubhouses for entertaining your friends! With package lockers, so no need to worry about porch bandits!

So we took that plunge, downsized from 3200 square feet to 1200. We got rid of 2000 square feet of … well, stuff. Stuff that we acquired for the sole purpose of filling up our American Dream. The American Dream that everyone told us was our dream, but … when we really thought about it … wasn’t the dream that made sense for us.

I know the apartment life isn’t for everyone. But for us? With no kids? With our serious lack of handy man skills? With our desire to live in a clean place but without a great love for cleaning? (Seriously, 1200 square feet is so. fast. to. clean.) With a desire for a pool, but no desire to change in a locker room or drive home wet … or the desire to maintain one?

It’s a pretty sweet gig. For us. No diminishment in happiness. A lot of time and energy freed up for the stuff we love!

And: it allowed the husband to get our budget into shape, so now he can focus on the writing. (Fourth book is out later this year!! Three years later with 4 published works? That’s some serious focus.)

life

The privilege of the vaguely beige

Post author By akaemi
Post date June 6, 2020
No Comments on The privilege of the vaguely beige

Funny thing about privilege: when you have it, it can be hard to see.

We can only really see the world through our own eyes. And because it’s human nature, we tend to gather together with other humans who are like ourselves. So it is easy to think that everyone walks through life having the same kinds of experiences that we have. Coming to the same conclusions. Sharing the same perspective. Because in the little echo-chambers we cocoon ourselves in, everyone is like us! With the same conclusions! Same perspective!

As a mostly white, but quarter asian person, I ‘fit’ into a lot of different communities. But it’s not something I realized when I was a 19 year-old intern, flitting between work days with my white co-workers, and weekends out with either my Hawaiian (read: Asian) friends, or my black roommates and their friends. To me, I was just …. me. To my white co-workers, I was mostly white, mixed with just a bit of model-minority. To my Hawaiian friends, I was fully embraced as another Asian! To my black roommates, I wasn’t mistrusted as part of the problem, part of the system.

And if I do the math, in college, I dated nearly as many hispanic men as white ones. (The google tells me 16.7% of the US population is hispanic, if you’re wondering.)

As a vaguely beige person, I get to be embraced by all the people. It is a wonderfully beautiful place to be. It is a wonderfully safe place to be.

And when you are safe, when you fit, when you are loved: it can be hard to see the truths of other people. People who are not safe. Who are told they do not fit, in a million different ways. People who don’t get to walk through a room and find that other people just naturally and easily love them.

I don’t need to hate my privilege. To give it up, or refuse it. I love many of the things it has brought to me.

But I can recognize that not everyone gets to walk through life the way I do. I can include, the way I have been included. I can trust, the way I have been trusted. I can believe the experiences that don’t match my own. I can support! I can add POC to my instagram feed. I can consume the works of artists and artisans who are POC. I can start an anti-racist book club. I can support local businesses that are run by POC.

What can I do? I can get out of my cocoon.

food

The low fodmap life

I didn’t choose the low fodmap life, it chose me.

For as long as I can remember, my digestion has been a little … special? Random mild pains, bloating (like debilitating … so much pain ya can’t sit up straight), nausea, vomiting … and we’ll leave the unladylike bits out because my dad’s the only one who reads my blog and he doesn’t wanna hear it.

And that was just life. Stress made it worse. Even good stress, like going on a fun trip! But sometimes, it would just flare up for seemingly no reason.

I learned that I can go 3 days without eating and still function well (going to work, hanging out with friends, walking around Rome all day), as long as I sleep 9-11 hours a night. Not a super common experience, but one I could power through when needed.

Went to all kinds of doctors, had all kinds of tests. The verdict: I’m super humanly healthy! There’s nothing wrong me! Diagnosis: IBS. Which means: gastrointestinal distress with no discernible reason.

A few years ago, I started up with a new PCP and as she was going over my history, I mentioned IBS. And she asked if I’d tried the low fodmap diet, and gave me a handout.

I read the handout. It. was. nonsense. The list of foods to avoid? Seemingly random. But I decided to give it a go. What could it hurt?

A few weeks later, wondering if it was working, I expressed my doubts to the husband. And he observed: you don’t complain after dinner every single night anymore. And he was right! It was our nightly ritual to have dinner, and then for him to ask me if I wanted to: go to the store! go for a walk! go … anywhere! And my answer was always: give me 20 minutes, I need my stomach to settle. Because there were mild pings an pangs, and a 2% chance I needed to be real close to a bathroom. (Sorry, Dad.)

So I stuck with it. I found my triggers: wheat, garlic and onions. And I found out that if I don’t eat wheat, I can eat dairy. Not like, all the dairy I want; but a whole DQ Buster Bar? Only a bit of discomfort that is negated by lactaid. But … I don’t always take the lactaid and come out just fine. Just need 20 minutes to let my stomach settle, but only like a 0.1% chance of needing to be real close to a bathroom.

Are all my digestion issues gone? Nope. But the days of bloating that build and build and build and bring complete misery? That hasn’t happened since I got on the low fodmap train. Immediate stomach-emptying nausea that can hit when stress and anxiety ramp up? Seriously tamped down. I feel my gut clench up and I expect the unbearable nausea, but it’s down to a very dull roar.

So, I’m a believer. It’s a lot of work to eat a low wheat, onion, garlic diet. It’s so much meal planning, so. much. food. prep. (Yay for the instant pot!) And all my digestion woes aren’t fixed. But: I can live a life without the anxiety that I need to be close to a bathroom at all times. And: ice cream is back on the menu!

food

Akaemi’s World Famous Pinto Beans (Instant Pot)

Post author By akaemi
Post date March 22, 2020
1 Comment on Akaemi’s World Famous Pinto Beans (Instant Pot)

Ok, so …. not world famous. Just Josh’s favorite pinto beans he has ever eaten in his entire life that he really wants the world to know about!

These directions are for the instant pot, but could be adapted to stove top or crockpot. The secret here is the spices! And bacon. Also: I don’t eat garlic or onions. This recipe would probably be better with 1 tsp each of garlic and onion powders.

Recipe:

1 lb dry pinto beans
4 slices of bacon, chopped into pieces
1 Tbsp chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp oregano
1 1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1-2 bullion cubes
8 cups water

Directions: Dump everything into the instant pot. Set for 45-50 minutes high pressure, and let natural release. Natural release takes for ev er, probably 45 minutes?. Also, takes awhile for it all to get up to pressure, so allow for 20-30 minutes there, too. All in all, it usually takes 1 1/2 to 2 hours, so plan accordingly.

Serve with corn bread (start this after the pressure cooking finishes, while it’s natural releasing … you got time), cheese cut into cubes (seriously, this is better than shredded cheese, you get “gloops” of cheese <- Josh’s word, he’s a writer, so it’s legit), and home made french fries.

Enjoy!

knitting

Happy Day!

Post author By akaemi
Post date May 31, 2019
No Comments on Happy Day!

I’m a pretty speedy knitter and crocheter. Combine that with the normally small projects that I tackle, and I’m used to producing things in a matter of days. Weeks, tops.

And so I was ill-prepared for what awaited me when I decided to make a blanket for the husband with yarn he picked out at The Tinsmith’s Wife.

Years ago, I made him a blanket – a cowabunga masterpiece, no less – but it’s apparently a very warm blanket. Suitable to winter time. Which, in Texas, only lasts about 12 minutes.

And so, he asked, could I make him a … summer blanket? Something a little less warm? And seeing how summer in San Antonio is an 8 month affair, it seemed a reasonable request.

And the yarn he found! Stunningly beautiful. A purple to grey to black gradient, who could resist! And it was even lightweight, cotton and acrylic. The perfect thing when you want to make something that’s not, you know, warm.

I didn’t have a pattern in mind, so I purchased 3 of the Whirlette mega-skeins in grape squish. And because Scheepjes apparently thinks of everything, I picked up some coordinating solid Whirls, one ball of Frosted and one of Licorice.

I tried out a lot of patterns, showed the results to the husband, and he picked his favorite. And – he asked – would it be possible to have the entire blanket do one fade? Instead of a striped effect of purple-gray-black-purple-gray-black-purple-gray-black, could it just be a single purple-gray-black?

I held my breath and counted to ten, and agreed that yes, I could make it do that.

But, you guys! The good folks at Scheepjes went to A LOT of work putting their balls of yarn together. Like a lot. And getting the blanket to do a single fade … that meant I had to cut apart each ball of yarn at every color shift.

And the ends that made!! So many ends to weave in. I saved them just so I could show them to the husband, so he could appreciate that instead of having 10 ends to weave in, I had … I don’t even know for sure. 30? 50? Let’s go with 68, that sounds more dramatic.*

So I took the granny rectangle pattern, and did a bunch of math to convert it from the regular-weight yarn to something more suitable for the light-weight yarn. This should have been a clue that I might be in over my head, but I was still young and hopeful.

Granny squares (and rectangles) are awesome when you first start out. They are so tiny! Each round is so fast! Time just zooms on by while you make easy-to-see progress!

But then, you get past the purples into the grays, and you realize you’ve been crocheting for-ev-er, and you’re only halfway done. Or … maybe not even quite halfway …

So I finished up with the Whirls, (with just a touch of the frosted whirlette in the gray section), did some math and realized that with the single licorice whirl, it wasn’t going to be big enough.

Ensue shock and pouting.

Math revealed I’d need 3 or 4 more whirlette’s to finish the job. In addition to the one I already had.

My sanity declared that wasn’t going to happen. Additionally, the internet told me that the Tinsmith’s Wife had no more licorice whirlettes in stock. Dropping into Yarnivore yielded no better results. Jimmy Beans Wool online – out of black.

Amazon to the rescue! An Amazon seller had a few balls left! For twice the price that I paid originally, of course.

So I purchased two more.

And then I crocheted. And crocheted. And … you guessed it … crocheted. There are 4,792 yards of yarn in this bad boy. That’s 2 point 7 miles of yarn. 4 months and 4 days from start to finish. (I did make a hat in that same time frame. And half a baby blanket …)

I may, at some point in the distant future, if licorice whirlettes find their way back into existence, add another ball or two. But for now – happy day – I am done!

*I actually really love the way this turned out, way better than if it had been striped. Sssssshhhhh, don’t tell the husband.

favorite things food

Li’l Pinchers

Ever since I jumped on the instant pot bandwagon, I’ve been in need of an easier way to handle the blazingly hot inner pot.

Enter the mini silicone pinch mitts!

I had just decided I needed some of these guys, when Christmas happened to roll around. And the in-laws did a saran wrap ball as part of the holiday festivities. After all the goodies (and not-so-goodies? disposable underwear surely wasn’t on anyone’s wish list …), we traded amongst each other to get the things we really had our eyes on.

Luckily for me, the husband ended up getting one of ‘my’ little pinchers (and what’s ours is … mine …) and the 16-year-old niece was keen to trade away her pincher for cash and chocolate.

So I have a matching set! I can grab the instant pot without ending up with soggy potholders! (Yay for silicone!) And these adorable guys work pretty well for flat cookie sheets and pizza pans.

If you are now also smitten by the need to own your very own adorable li’l pinchers, these guys are made by Daiso. Which I have JUST LEARNED has stores in the US. In TEXAS, even, guys. Time to go do some shopping for adorable-ized household products …