Categories
confession technogeeky

google stalk-a-lytics

If I were to just consider the comments on my blog as proof of readership, it would appear that I only have 3 or 4 visitors a month. And that’s just a little bit sad; almost might as well just write in that journal I keep on my nightstand. Yeah, that journal full of completely blank pages.

Fortunately, I have a little something called google analytics installed at akaemi.com. Anytime I start to wonder if anyone even cares about my silly little blog, I log in and look at the map overlay of my visitors. Google is so thoughtful as to plot dots on a world map, to show me where my traffic is coming from. The larger the dot, the more visitors I get from that area.

The biggest dot is always Ashburn. Because that’s where I live. And, well, I am the most active visitor of akaemi.com. Then there are several other northern Virginia/Maryland dots, courtesy of past and present coworkers, as well as my husband’s coworkers. (I’m pretty sure my husband makes his friends read my blog. So as to keep me from getting all despondent about having negative google analytics numbers. It doesn’t matter, though, I’ll take pity readers …)

The next biggest concentration of dots is always Washington state/Oregon. Because that’s where my family lives. And there’s like 6 of them, so that makes for a HUGE concentration of my readership.

Following the Pacific Northwest comes Texas. There are usually dots scattered through the state. My husband’s family all lives in Texas – including somebody who apparently lives in Texarkana … there’s always a Texarkana dot.

The other consistent dot is Miami. Since the launch of akaemi.com, I have had Miami fans. I assumed that it was the one person I knew who lived in the sunny city, but when I thanked her for reading a few weeks back, she had to admit that she didn’t know I had a blog. She is now a faithful reader – my Miami dot has grown bigger – but even before her support, I could always count on Miami. So, thanks Miami!

And then I usually have random dots. Today’s random dots are Santa Clara and Singapore. In the past, I’ve had hits from as far away as Brazil, Germany, Japan and Malaysia. Usually it’s just one visit, so that means akaemi.com was really not what they were looking for. But it’s always fun to get international hits.

So, all in all, google analytics lets me know that I have 26 loyal readers, and that 3 or 4 of you visit my site every day. As far as a website is concerned, those are pretty pathetic numbers – I’m never going to find fortune and fame through akaemi.com. As far as I’m concerned, however, 26 is a pretty awesome number! I pretty much have to include everybody I know to come up with 26 people.

So, thanks, you guys! I’m glad you keep coming back. 🙂

Categories
confession life

secretly delighted

Every now and again, when I let my husband take on the chore of laundry, he gives me reason to smile. Secretly, of course.

After all the sorting, once the first load has made it through both the washer and the dryer, comes the step of folding the laundry. And every time he folds my clothes, he feels the need to exclaim, “Your [insert clothing item] are so TINY!” Last night, as he folded my jeans, I learned that my pants are indeed as tiny as the rest of my wardrobe.

Upon hearing how tiny my clothes are, I feel compelled to pout and throw a fit, just as every 4 year-old does when you are so bold as imply that they are not a “big kid.” I insisted that my pants are not tiny, and are, in fact grown-up lady pants. Because there is nothing that will convince someone how “large” and “adult” you are more than insisting that you wear grown-up lady pants.

My clothes really aren’t tiny. In fact, as the years go by, I find that they are slowly getting bigger and bigger. I hope, though, that my husband will forever be entranced – and surprised – at their tininess.

Categories
confession life

directv, please stop calling me!

When I canceled my directv service 6 months ago, I was excited at the prospect of not getting a monthly phone call to inform me of new services. Seriously, what kind of model is it where you call up to harass your own paying customers? I always got the conversation to end by asking, “Is this information available on your website? Great, then I’ll check it out there.”

When I first canceled directv, the monthly phone calls continued, but this time to try to win me back. I even answered a 50-question phone survey, supposedly not sponsored by directv, but every question seemed to revolve around “why did you cancel your directv service?”

Then the phone calls started to slowly increase. Last week I got 3. This week I’m up to 4.

When I was an actual directv customer, I hated it when they called. Now that I am no longer a customer, I downright detest it.

Today, I am sad to say, I actually got the directv lady to hang up on me. I wasn’t trying to be mean, or to hurt her feelings. But seeing as, “I’m-sorry-we’re-not-interested-today-thank-you[hangup]” wasn’t getting through to them, I finally blew up. “Is there any way we can get off your calling list, because it doesn’t matter if you call us every day, we aren’t going to re-subscribe to your service?” And then I got a dial tone. Perhaps I should have used a little less ‘tude.

I hope this is the end of it. But if not: directv – please stop calling me!

Categories
confession nerdly

don’t even try to out-nerd me …

I saw Transformers. Twice. And seeing as I just found out it’s playing in IMAX, I’ll be seeing it a third time.

It surprises me, the number of people I work with, that have NOT seen transformers. I don’t understand how my fellow developers and engineers, who grew up on the cartoon, can resist the temptation to see it. Even with the oft-repeated excuse: “my wife/girlfriend doesn’t want to see it.” Well … then go out with the guys! How can you NOT go see Optimus Prime and company brought to life on the big screen?

Transformers is not going to win an oscar. It doesn’t have a bullet-proof plot. But … it’s Bumblebee! And Optimus Prime! And Megatron! And for the guys, it has two amazingly hot girls. (Sorry ladies, we get Shia … while a fine actor, not exactly ‘eye-candy.’)

All I can say is, if you consider yourself at all nerdly – and you loved the cartoon as a kid – then do yourself a favor and see the movie! Just tell the gf you’re going out for ‘poker night.’

Categories
confession fashion general complaints

what not to wear

Lately, I’ve been toying with the idea of saving up to get my very own ‘what not to wear’ style consultation. The consultation itself, while not cheap, is reasonably priced. The part where serious savings come into play is in the buying-a-new-wardrobe part. There’s a reason Stacy and Clinton hand over a $5,000 Visa card to people they take under their wing; a new wardrobe doesn’t come cheap.

I don’t think I dress horribly, but I think I could do much better. At the moment, I fall into a strange fashion void, of being a professional in my twenties who doesn’t want to dress like a bimbo, but also doesn’t want to dress like my mom. (No offense, mom …) Not only that, but my size seems to fall more in line with the ‘juniors department’ than the actual ‘grown up ladies department.’ And, well, ‘juniors’ these days apparently don’t care to fully clothe themselves. And ‘juniors’ couldn’t care less about sensible things like ‘wrinkle-free.’

I also have a penchant for comfortable shoes. The exception to that rule is my 5’9″ collection. This collection includes 3 pairs of shoes that enable me to be 5’9″. (For the truly curious, the math on that works out to be 3-inch heels.) It works out well to have some 5’9″ shoes; when I get tired of wearing pants that are a teensy bit too short, I buy myself some ‘tall’ pants. And, well, tall pants require something a little higher than my skechers in order to not get ragged from dragging on the ground.

The real solution to my pants problem is a tailor. I’m of average height. Actually, I think the most perfectly averagest of heights. At 5’6″, I am neither tall nor short. Ladies 5’3″ and under are adorably short. Ladies 5’9″ and over are elegantly tall. So, one would think that ‘average’ length pants would be perfect. In fact, they are generally one inch shorter than I prefer. But ‘tall’ pants are anywhere from 2 to 4 inches too long (depending on that particular manufacturer’s version of ‘tall’). And so, I wear my pants too short or too long.

And then there’s my hair and makeup … I’ve never been one to spend, well, any time on makeup, and if it takes longer than 5 minutes, I’m not doing it to my hair. That used to include blow drying my hair, because I was blessed with a LOT of really thick hair that holds a LOT of water. I managed to find an 1875-watt monster that gets my hair dry enough in a few minutes. It also makes the lights in the house flicker, but, you know, that’s the price of beauty.

I know that “beauty is only skin-deep,” and that “it’s what’s inside that counts,” but there is something about feeling good about the way you look that just makes you feel better about yourself. Like when I go to the salon for a pedicure, I wear my adorable spa outfit. It’s not necessary, but it sure does make the experience all the more enjoyable. And on the rare occasion that I make it to the gym, I make sure to wear a you-wish-you-had-this-body exercise ensemble. It’s not that I want everyone to stare; but I sure do stay in the gym longer when I’m not self-conscious about the way I look.

So, for those of you who know me irl, if you happen to notice me wearing pants that fit and un-wrinkled shirts, then you’ll know I finally took the plunge.

Categories
confession life

my cross-indexed brain

My brain is a big fan of cross indexing, but it only seems to do it as the mood suits it. I have yet to be able to master control of the skill, and instead am often struck by memories that I am reminded of when I see or hear the right trigger.

One of the triggers is cars. Yes, that’s right, cars. Which happen to be a reference to people. When I see a Ford Aerostar, I think of my mom. When I see a Prius, I think of my college BFF, and occasionally the wife of an old work colleague. When I see a Ford Probe, I think of a guy I went on one date with even though he still lived with his parents. (He bought me a sandwich, and, over lunch, he said: “I enjoy working with kids.” For real? If you think I can’t see right through where you think that one is gonna get ya, you got another think coming. It was the fulfillment of a third-grade crush, what can I say …)

When I see a Toyota Matrix, I wonder if Michelle ever bought one. And when I see a Mazda RX8, I wonder the same thing about Kevin. Ditto for the FJ Cruiser and John.

White Accords pull double duty with two old work colleagues, as do black Accords. The new-style Honda CRV reminds me of a neighbor, as does the old-style CRV. Additionally, the old-style CRV reminds me of a past life, the first brand new car I ever bought. The old, old-style CRV brings up memories of yet another old work colleague.

Whenever I see an Xterra, I wonder how Angie and her twins are doing – even though I’m pretty sure she traded that car in years ago.

Mazda Tributes, Infiniti FXs, and the sporty little Infinitis all pull up hits for people I used to work with. Honda Odysseys are soon to be tied with Accords, with one neighbor, one past boss, and one past coworker all coming to mind.

This is only the surface of my linkages of people and cars. I have to say, it does make my commute a little more interesting, as the thoughts of everyone I ever knew go flitting across my mind, jumbled in with trying to make my mental shopping list (that NEVER works, I always forget something), contemplating the Heroes story lines, and trying not to rear-end the guy that just cut in front of me. Maybe someday I’ll hone my skill, but for now, I’ll just enjoy the ride.

Categories
confession technogeeky

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wesleyOMG, OMG, I just posted a comment on Wil Wheaton’s blog! I didn’t even know about his blog until this morning, after I read my husband’s latest post. Once I found out about it, of course, I had to go read it. And lo and behold, he had a recent post about conventions! So then I was compelled to leave a comment with a link to my latest post about conventions.

As a young teen, I had the biggest crush on Wesley Crusher. My bff at the time had a more reasonable crush on the more studly and charming Riker. But I’ve always been a sucker for the smart ones.

I was pleased to find that Mr. Wheaton has a rather interesting blog, and surprised to read about his trek to drop off his son at college. I mean, it wasn’t THAT long ago that he was an obnoxiously smart 12-year-old on TNG, was it? Well, it apparently was that long ago. Cuz he’s off dropping his son off at college …

Categories
confession work

new job stresses

New jobs are exciting, because you get to embark on a whole new adventure – but then there are also all the stresses that come along with it.

I have no doubt that I can master my job. I have confidence in my technical skills – and my ability to quickly learn new skills – so there’s little pressure coming from that aspect of things. The stress all seems to lie in the social aspects of working in an office.

It’s like the feeling I get when I leave a phone message – the paranoia of “did I remember to say everything?” – “did I leave my name?” – “was I loud enough?” – “was I too loud?” – “did I say my phone number slowly and clearly enough?” – “OMG, did I LEAVE my phone number?” – “did I sound like an idiot?” – “are they going to play my message over and over again and LAUGH at it? – and then put it on youtube?” You know, that feeling. The feeling that you really are rather stupid and insignificant, and the rest of the world just wants you to stop bothering them.

I worry that they don’t believe I’m really a grown up. One of my new colleagues asked if I was fresh out of college – from the look on his face, I don’t think he even thought I was THAT old. When I told him that I’d been out of college longer than I was in it, I think perhaps he decided I must have some 18-month certificate or something.

I worry that they think I’m not very smart. I’m no Einstein, and I’m well aware of that fact – but I am a capable, intelligent person. Who just happens to ask really dumb questions. And say dumb things. And not know all the eclipse shortcuts. (Ok, but honestly, who does??? There’s got to be half a million of them.) I was working on a ‘getting started with the team’ programming project with the other new team member, and since his computer hasn’t been built yet, we did it on my box. Which meant I drove. Which meant he had to watch me spastically go about our ‘assignment.’ I’m not exactly one for going through all the steps in order … And then he got to witness my true anality firsthand, as I was compelled to update the ‘assignment’ whenever I found things that weren’t right. On the plus side, even though he now knows what a nut I am, I learned that he’s very capable and knows his stuff.

The truth of the matter is, my new coworkers don’t think about me. They really aren’t expending any effort to think bad things about me. They aren’t at home, right now, telling their spouses about the impossibly young and exceptionally stupid new hire. And for that, I am thankful.

Categories
confession hobbies technogeeky travel

blizzcon wins

Since getting married, I have been introduced to a new world: the world of conventions. And I have found, that I actually like them.

I think I like conventions because I am a bit of a hobby collector. I like to try out new things on a frequent basis. There are things I’ll never give up – like shopping – but there are others that come and go as my mood changes – like knitting or landscaping (that’s a mood I’m not likely to be in for awhile) or particular video games. And going to conventions lets me get a brief glimpse into a hobby, so I feel like I can add it to my list.

In my first married year, I went to a one-day Comic-Con in Baltimore. My second married year, I went to a 4-day Star Trek Convention in Las Vegas. And this year, I went to the two-day Blizzcon. While I enjoyed them all (though, admittedly, 4 days is WAY too much time to spend with fanatics), Blizzcon wins, hands down.

I have to concede that Blizzcon is hosted by Blizzard who makes millions and millions of dollars on their video games, most notably, World of Warcraft, which has 9 million subscribers who gladly pay $14.99 each and every month for the pleasure of playing. (yeah … I’m one of those 9 million …) The other conventions were hosted by … well, fanboys. People who just love comics or star trek sooooo much, and they have a deep desire, down in their hearts, to have a venue where all the fanboys of the world can come together and be all fanboy-ey. So there is definitely a money discrepancy that can’t be ignored. And, well, more money gets you better stuff.

Point one for Blizzcon: Ticket distribution. Ticket pickup was available the day before, or during any of the convention days. The Star Trek convention used this model as well. But Blizzcon split the alphabet up into about 30 groups, and had in essence, 30 lines. 30 minutes before the start of ticket pickup, my husband and I got into our line. Less than 30 minutes after ticket pickup officially started, we had our tickets (and swag bags). At the Star Trek convention, we got in line 30 minutes before ticket pickup officially started. The one line. When we finally got to the front of the line, hours later, the alphabet was split into a couple of groups, where 10 people were there to get us all squared away. It was a pretty miserable wait.

Point two for Blizzcon: Open space! The main stage was set up with thousands of chairs – but also wide open space to either side. There was wide open space around the food vendors. There was wide open space around the various booths. There wasn’t too much open space – but enough of it to accommodate the thousands of people as they wandered from one place to another. The vendor room at the Star Trek convention was overly crowded, and some booths seemed more like a personal garage sale than honest-to-goodness Star Trek Shtuff dealers. The booths that were expected to be busy didn’t have enough space – or cordoned off space – for people to line up in an orderly fashion.

Point three for Blizzcon: Staff! The staff walking around Blizzcon all had little radios. So they could keep up with what was going on. So they could radio for help if needed. They were well-connected, and if you asked them a question, they knew the answer. Or they could get it for you quickly. At the Star Trek convention, most of the staff didn’t know what was going on. If you asked a question, they didn’t know the answer. And they couldn’t point you in the direction of anyone who did. They were just people with pens hanging from their necks, carrying clipboards, who got in for free by volunteering to be staff.

Point four for Blizzcon: Not ridiculously priced food! The Star Trek convention was held in the Las Vegas Hilton. Complete with $2 Hilton candy bars and $4 bottles of water. Blizzcon was held in the Anaheim Convention Center. With $6 pizza and $1 candy bars. Maybe still a little overpriced, but not so much so that you find yourself going hungry in protest of serious price gouging.

Point five for Blizzon: Funny Humor. The Star Trek convention people made a Star Trek puppet musical that was supposed to be funny but was just plain odd and uncomfortable. The winners of the Star Trek movie contest had movies that were again, just … strange and mostly boring. The ‘movies’ and ‘promos’ that Blizzard put together were hilarious! And the winner of the ‘Comedy’ Blizzcon movie contest was a laugh out loud riot. I know not everyone shares the same sense of humor – and my own sense of humor is admittedly not exactly main stream – but I really didn’t get how anyone could find the Star Trek convention brand of humor … well, humorous.

Point six for Blizzcon: Gracious Hosts! Never, at any time, did anyone with a mic at Blizzcon get snippy with the audience. Never, at any time, were they anything but glad that we had come. Never, at any time, did they leave a sour taste in my mouth or make me feel like they were just grown up spoiled brats. I wish I could say the same for the Star Trek convention hosts.

So, there you have it. Blizzcon, with 6 points and Star Trek Convention 0. Some of the issues would be hard to fix without a lot more money – but the Creation Entertainment folks could certainly learn a lot from the Blizzcon book of entertaining. I understand that the first Blizzcon didn’t go off nearly as well as this last one – but they definitely learned from their mistakes to throw one heck of a party.

Categories
confession fashion shopping

guess how much I just saved at the mall …

$663! My husband was a little scared when I told him the good news, but he sometimes forgets that I am a world-class bargain shopper. (For real. I have trophies.)

And just how much did I have to spend to save so much money? Half as much as I saved. (Ok, ok, half as much as I saved plus $10.) That’s right, by waiting 2 months to buy my leather jacket, I was able to get 3 turtlenecks, 4 sweaters, a pair of slacks, a pair of jeans, 3 pairs of khaki-jeans, a hoodie, a bathrobe, a tote bag, AND that leather jacket, for the original price of the jacket.

I love 75% off January! Mostly because I like a good bargain, but also because I love jackets, sweaters, and boots. And I would be broke if I paid full price for everything in my jacket-sweater-boot closet. Which, consequently, now has more room in it since I moved those pesky trophies to my new trophy room …